Being a "Good Person" Isn't Enough: Why I'm no Longer a Lukewarm Christian

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

For me, there is life before January 12, 2018...and life after....

If you've followed me for awhile you might be just as surprised to be reading this as I am to be writing it! 
A bit nervous to share this, but I always end up sharing everything because as scary as it is...I know ultimately my story will find the right people and inspire change.

I want to preface this by saying three things:
  1. I am SO glad I immediately typed it out after it happened because as time goes on, I know would have forgotten details. 
  2. It was the strangest thing and I’m fairly certain most people will think I’m CRAZY haha 
  3. I am no expert...I am just now learning and growing in my own personal journey
I grew up with religion but have pushed away from it basically my whole life- and while I believe in God, I just never considered having a real relationship. I would just think, "Oh that church stuff isn't for me."
Looking back, God has been calling my name. There have been SOO many invitations to get to know Him better.
I've seen other people or friends who LOVE Jesus and will unabashedly raise their arms in praise. That was never me. I could never understand it...and I wasn't even sure I would believe in it. I would always say... "It just doesn't make sense to me. I don't understand"

Instead of learning more, I've just gone about my day...trying to be a good person and believing in the power of the “universe”. In conversations, I would give the "Law of attraction" all of the credit. I would tell people to make goals and put them out there for the universe to fulfill. I might even say "I believe in God, but I just call him/it the universe"
Which I now realize is such a cop-out to giving God the glory

I was raised Catholic, which for a lot of people that represents old oppressive views, lots of guilt, fire and brimstone, and long boring church services.
So when people have asked if I go to church, I say “wellllll I was raised CATHOLIC....” and we’d have a good chuckle. As if that was my “get out of church-free card”

I've also seen a lot of hypocrites go to church and I basically decided that "The only people who go to church are the ones who REALLY NEED it." I'm made a lot of negative assumptions about religion, church & seeking God.

THEN something happened...

I watched a video from my best friend. At first, I watched it to support her. Then I continued watching it out of curiosity... then I continued watching it because I was intrigued.


That video has changed me. For me reason, it just clicked

It prompted me to look up video from people who have had Near-death experiences & gone to heaven (or HELL!)   For some reason, it has LITERALLY NEVER occurred me to that someone could have gone to Hell and come back to talk about it.

In fact, there are so many TVs...books....Movies...that make light of Hell. Everything from cartoon devils, portrayals that it's the "party place" and that Heaven is uptight and boring.

As I am watching people pour their heart out and tell their stories and experiences of Hell, the gravity of the situation quickly hit me.

Suddenly I felt this RESOLVE to build a relationship and truly accept Jesus into my heart. It was such a new revelation like WOW!! Why haven’t I ever done this before?!
I felt as if I had been living in the dark (literally?)

Now here is where things get a little crazy....

But once I felt that strong resolve, I started feeling extreme fear, doubt, confusion...under attack...as if demons are lurking. Literally, like scared that if I turned around I would see one. It was scary!!

I started to pray and it felt like a battle within my body. Chest pain, weird pain, sensations, heat, chest tightening, shaky hands. Pretty much scared the sh** out of me

I’ve NEVER felt such crazy sensations and it was like I was getting a TINY glimpse into the torment that one might feel if they were cut off from God

Needless to say, I could not sleep all night

I was scared to fall asleep and kept praying that I would NOT see anything in my dreams

Then around 6am, I was laying with Reese, feeding her, and I dozed off. Had THE most disturbing dream/vision whatever you want to call it.

Basically, I’ll spare you the deets....but two tall male figures boxed me in. I was thinking- “No! Get away” but it seemed they wanted to sway me. I had the realization that they could be not as they appear...they could be in disguise...trying to trick me. As soon as I had that thought, they morphed! And slinked away

Then I was back in my bed - a small black bull ran across the headboard and the words “Read the good book” appeared in gold script. 

I could have sworn I woke up- I was confused. And a voice literally GROWLED “read the f*cking Good book”

I ACTUALLY woke up. SCARED
Heart pounding and shaking. I could feel that growl vibrate my body- it was NOT JUST A DREAM.
But this wasn’t like a ...”I watched scary things and can’t sleep”

It felt like a battle for my soul. Again, crazy sounding but it was very real to me

VERY REAL

I theorize that the “reading the effin book” was an attempt to scare me off. To say, oh yea I DARE YOU to read it and challenge me.  I felt very vulnarable and almost as though I opened a can of worms and was tryiong to be scared off of learning more

I’ve realized something VERY IMPORTANT. Being a “lukewarm” Christian is perfect for the devil. You’re lured into a false sense of security. And slowly over time he digs his claws in. You go about your day...your life...not really thinking about it... and I cringe to think what would happen to {my} soul if I kept on that path.

Being a good person is NOT enough.

It's about faith, love and obedience
Repenting (daily) for our sins
Accepting God into our hearts and Jesus who died for our sins so that we can be forgiven.

My friends who have inspired this journey! 

A week ago, if I would have heard this story I would have said
... you’re crazy
...you’re just anxious
...you’re imagining things

But I’m choosing to believe God has finally found a way to WAKE ME THE HECK up. Honestly, I hate even sharing it and remember those feelings...but I know there is a greater purpose here. And I now know that I MUST pursue this.

Trust me, I know this is shocking to be coming from me. But I sincerely hope that I've said something to encourage you to research it more ad grow closer to God.
I finally understand so much of what I could not grasp before. And if nothing else, I would much rather err on the side of being a "crazy Jesus person" than be a fair-weather Christian.

I know this is crazy and out of the blue...but I could not go another day without sharing. I've had my "Come to Jesus Moment" and I hope you have yours xo

So yea... if anyone still wants to be friends...love ya! Hah

If you want to watch my friend's video, here it is


Draw the Circle: 40 Day Prayer Challenge

- THEME BY ECLAIR DESIGNS -